Wen Kexing had never seen Zhou Zishu so... pliable. His beloved A-Xu leaned into his hold at the slightest encouragement, giving in easily to being pampered and taken care of.
This was what Wen Kexing had always wanted.
It was pure hell.
Zhou Zishu wasn't meant to accept the care Wen Kexing tried to heap on him without a complaint but with a soft sigh of relief. He shouldn't be in need of so much of it. His heart, only so recently resurrected, was in danger of breaking.
It hurt when A-Xu leaned into him and allowed Wen Kexing to lead him to the bed and arrange him in a half-lying, half-sitting position. It hurt when he allowed Wen Kexing to fuss with the bedding. By the time he put an ice-cold hand on top of Wen Kexing's restless one and softly said "stop fussing, Lao Wen" he had to fight back the urge to cry.
Then stop letting me! he wanted to scream back but he didn't have to energy. He had poured all of it into first plotting out and then rescuing A-Xu from the prince's clutches, followed by protecting and caring for his almost completely exhausted Zhiji. Now, with A-Xu's wounds tended to and his demise not immediately threatening, Wen Kexing didn't know what to do - apart from fretting like a mother hen.
"I'm not dying," A-Xu continued, merciless as always, "not yet, anyway," he amended at Wen Kexing incredulous stare. "Da Wu said so himself."
So he had and while Wen Kexing hadn't any reason to trust the man there was the fact that A-Xu did.
"You were tortured," he somehow managed to force out, as if that wasn't they both had done as well as endured before. The moment the words were out he wanted to take them back. Instead, his mouth continued without input from his brain. "There are holes in your body." He wanted to kick himself for the inane words but A-Xu gripped his hand tightly. His hand was icy but his hold was still strong. A-Xu was always so strong, even now with his body so horribly injured and dying…
"There have been seven holes in it since before we've met." A-Xu, ever the brutal realist. Wen Kexing gave him a disgusted look and A-Xu smiled at him. Not mocking, but achingly gentle in that way he seldom was. "I've been tortured before, Lao Wen. So have you. I'll heal."
"How long will that take? And how long will you have afterwards?" He hated the way his voice came out - tonelessly, defeated and so damn exhausted. "We've already lost so much time and…"
His injuries would cut down the short time A-Xu had left even more. Nobody had said so outright, but it was something that was understood between all of them. It had been spoken about with long looks and even longer silences between the four of them. Wu Xi had said that he could still save A-Xu but Wen Kexing had learned a long time ago that hope was a dangerous thing. So were things that seemed to be too good to be true.
A-Xu would need a long time fully heal from the torture inflicted onto him, that was a fact. He didn't have enough energy or time left to do so, not with the nails taking away his strength and senses bit by bit. All Wen Kexing could do was make him as comfortable as possible, and hope that rest and care was enough to allow him to recover enough for surgery.
He was the Chief of Ghost Valley but for the past day he had been on the receiving end of the sad, pitying looks of A-Xu's friends. How the mighty had fallen.
He wanted to fulfill his revenge before the surgery. He wanted to be free of his past, to be able to fully devote himself to caring for A-Xu and building a life with him. He wanted to heal together with him. He wanted so much that he was afraid of himself.
"Lao Wen." A cold hand pressed against the left side of his face and Wen Kexing leaned into the touch like a flower turning towards the sun. "Stop worrying. I'm still here, aren't I?"
A-Xu was hurt but he still reached out to comfort Wen Kexing during yet another breakdown. He was crying, he noticed. Silent tears that made his sight blurry. Like A-Xu's soon would be. All of his senses failing, whatever strength he had left in his massive reserves finally running out…
Even ghosts deserve comfort, or so A-Xu had told him not too long ago when he'd held Wen Kexing through the pain and confusion of his mind turning in on itself, and you're not a ghost, Lao Wen.
The implication that he deserved even more had been frightening and comforting at the same time.
Now, he was too tired to do anything but take the offered comfort.
"And here you will stay," he eventually said. The words came out hoarse, a far cry from his usual tones. "I will keep you here, no matter what price I have to pay for it."
Another one of those gentle smiles and what had he done to deserve them anyway? He was useless. A revenge in the making for so long that it was now meaningless, shadowed by the potential loss soon to come.
Hope, it turned out, was exhausting.
And I will pay whatever price is necessary to stay at your side.
Another man might have given that empty promise, but not Zhou Zishu. He had made it clear a long time ago that life at any cost wasn't what he wanted. Either complete healing or going out on his own terms was what he would do, Wen Kexing and his fragile heart be damned.
Wen Kexing should hate him for that. Instead, he marveled at the strength and conviction behind the decision. Zhou Zishu wouldn't be Zhou Zishu if he gave in and consented to a life without his martial arts. He wouldn't be Wen Kexing's A-Xu anymore, just a pale shadow of his former self, hating every moment of being dependent on someone else.
Wen Kexing understood. He didn't want to, but he did. It didn't make acceptance any easier.
"I'll stay with you for as long as I can," A-Xu promised. His voice was so damn gentle, as if he was afraid anything louder or harsher might shatter Wen Kexing into a thousand pieces.
Maybe it would. He felt fragile enough already and A-Xu's tenderness didn't help at all. He showed it so seldom, after all, and Wen Kexing was so unused to receiving it.
His hands were so cold, cold enough to put an chill on Wen Kexing's skin, but his lips were warm and soft as he pressed them against Wen Kexing's.
"We still have time," he promised and stroked Wen Kexing's hair as he shook and cried himself to sleep in the arms of his Zhiji.