Shen Wei was fading away right in front of his eyes. Each labored breath was a hard-won battle against impending death, each small sound of pain like a knife to Zhao Yunlan's heart.
Speaking of knifes and hearts - he could barely look at that fucking icicle Ye Zun had rammed into Shen Wei's chest. He hadn't hit his heart, or there wouldn't be a death-struggle because weak as Shen Wei had become there was no way he was able to survive that.
Dixigren or not, Shen Wei's heart was in the same place as his own - as Zhao Yunlan had discovered over and over again when he'd laid his head on Shen Wei's chest, had heard and felt the reassuring beat that had been going on for so long. He'd listened to that precious heart, felt Shen Wei's pulse when he was injured, asleep, or just to calm himself down after a bad day.
Funny, he'd never seen himself as someone who liked to hold hands but with Shen Wei…
Yet another pained gasp, louder than before, and Zhao Yunlan knew that he should pay attention to whatever Ye Zun was monologuing about but Shen Wei, his beautiful, self-destructive idiot, was trying to move.
Don't move! he wanted to scream. Please, baby, don't move! As long as Shen Wei just stayed still there might a chance. Zhao Yunlan would get free of that damn rope, he would fall to his knees next to Shen Wei and do something to keep him alive. Get the improvised stake out of his chest, or maybe make sure that it stayed in and didn't move to do even more damage. He could keep Shen Wei from bleeding out. He could and he would…
… hold him as he took his last breath, if that was all that was left to do. Hold him tight and tell him that he was loved one more time; something Shen Wei hadn't heard nearly enough in his life.
After such a long and solitary life Shen Wei couldn't be allowed to die alone, in sight of Zhao Yunlan, drowning in his own blood.
No. Shen Wei wasn't allowed to die at all. No dying on Zhao Yunlan's watch. There had to be a way...
"Brother."
Even without the long, white hair there would be no mistaking Ye Zun for Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan had seen through the disguise immediately; even when Ye Zun had donned Shen Wei's clothes and appearance. Body language, voice, even the way he looked - there was no mistaking the raving lunatic for his gentle, yet lethal twin.
That Zhao Yunlan had made an intensive study of Shen Wei over the time was beside the point. Even blind and deaf he would know the difference.
He could only watch in helpless rage as Ye Zun went to his knees next to the fallen Shen Wei and even touched him.
"Leave him alone!" he screamed but was ignored.
"Brother," Ye Zun repeated, almost tenderly. "See how low your love has brought you? Not only powerless but completely burned out, dying from wounds that shouldn't even bother you." He touched the icicle and Shen Wei didn't even scream. Apart from a weak gasp and a quickly aborted head tilt there was no reaction. No, that wasn't right. Shen Wei's left hand moved out, as if he wanted to reach out to Zhao Yunlan.
Zhao Yunlan instinctively strained against the rope holding him, his need to go to Shen Wei's side overriding any other instinct. He might have screamed something, but couldn't be sure.
Ye Zun's voice, so different from Shen Wei's, grated against his nerves. "Him. It's always him," he said bitterly. "Even back then he was more important than me, your own brother." He grabbed the searching hand but then his eyes landed on Shen Wei's right arm - the injured one and where the fuck had the bandage Zhao Yunlan had put on it gone?! - and grabbed that one instead.
He held on to it as if his life depended on it as he studied the deep wound that had barely begun to heal. Ye Zun probably knew what it meant, Zhao Yunlan realized with a chill. He halfway expected to hear the crack of snapping bone as Ye Zun's face twisted in helpless rage and wanted to do nothing else but to tear himself free and kick the bastard away from Shen Wei.
"So this is what happened. You shared your lifeforce with your beloved Kunlun, fully knowing what it would do to you." Somehow, Ye Zun's icy resignation sounded worse than the raving madness from before. It was as if seeing and realizing the reason for Shen Wei's failing strength had brought back clarity and that scared Zhao Yunlan more than anything else. A clear mind made Ye Zun even more dangerous.
Zhao Yunlan would gladly have stayed blind for the rest of his life if it would have spared Shen Wei this, but he'd long since accepted that the choice hadn't been his but Shen Wei's and Shen Wei's alone.
Besides, it wasn't as if Zhao Yunlan would have done anything different in his stead.
Shen Wei tried to speak but apart from blood nothing came out of his mouth.
Damaged lungs, Zhao Yunlan diagnosed with the tiny rest of rational though that wasn't drowned out by the primal urged to defend, protect and avenge. Ye Zun's words - powerless, burned out - echoed in his mind and while he didn't know what exactly they meant he knew they were bad. Shen Wei had never really recovered from sharing his life force with Zhao Yunlan and the following poisoning by light energy. No matter how hard he'd tried to hide is continually worsening condition, Zhao Yunlan had seen it.
Of course he had. After all, it was his sight that had been bought with Shen Wei's life. He'd seen and worried about it but there never had been any time to properly address it. Later, he'd promised himself. When everything was over and they had time he would properly take care of Shen Wei. Make sure that he recovered in peace and comfort.
Watching over Shen Wei and trying to protect him - mostly from himself - had almost become his primary duty in life by now. Circumstances being what they were he'd tried to give Shen Wei as much rest as possible, but there was never enough time. Not to talk, not to rest, not to recover. Not to kiss, not after those two kisses right before and after he had to cut Shen Wei open to soothe the pain of the energy poisoning at least a little bit. By unspoken agreement they had decided to wait until the whole crisis was over.
Or so Zhao Yunlan had thought.
Now he had the horrifying suspicion that Shen Wei had had different plans - plans, Zhao Yunlan didn't like one bit.
"Let me show you what your love has wrought." Ye Zun sounded almost tender and that alone was enough to scare Zhao Yunlan even more. He struggled uselessly against the rope as Ye Zun touched Shen Wei's temple and did something.
Whatever it was it was a purely internal thing - both men froze and Zhao Yunlan had to focus really hard to see if Shen Wei was even breathing anymore. Ye Zun's face showed intense concentration while Shen Wei simply closed his eyes in resignation and his body relaxed, as if there was no reason to fight anymore. No animation, no reaching out. Nothing, apart from his too shallow breathing.
It scared Zhao Yunlan to death and back and his own helplessness rose up once again and threatened to choke him.
After what must have been an eternity had passed there was a soft sound it took him a moment to recognize as his name.
"Shen Wei!"
The echo of his scream had barely faded when Ye Zun flinched back as if he'd been struck. Shen Wei's hand feel from his grasp and fell lifeless to the ground, just as his head turned sideways, eyes barely open, but his gaze sought out Zhao Yunlan's with unnerving accuracy. There was so much in his eyes, but Zhao Yunlan couldn't decipher a single thing.
"Shen Wei?" he asked, desperately trying to ignore their unwelcome third and to concentrate on the only one who mattered. All other words fled - what should he ask anyway? Shen Wei wasn't okay, wasn't even in the same galaxy as okay and what else was there? So he stared back and tried to convey all his love and support with his eyes alone.
I'm here for you. I'll get us out. Somehow. I think. I'll take care of you, just hold on for a little bit longer and I will…
His message seemed to have been received because now Shen Wei was crying. Fuck. Still unmoving, still barely breathing, but crying as if some dam had been broken and he could no longer hold back his tears.
"What will you do for him?" Ye Zun's question snapped him back to reality and Zhao Yunlan answered without thinking about it:
"Everything."
Perversely, Ye Zun seemed to be pleased by that answer. "You'll keep him alive, support him, and will be there for him for the rest of his days?"
That sounded kind of ominous but Zhao Yunlan was far too gone on worry to think about it too much. Or at all, really. The instinctive need to protect was all that was left now. "Yes!" he shouted. "Just let me down and get the fuck out of my way!"
"Good." A wave of his hand, a burst of dark energy, and the rope around Zhao Yunlan disintegrated without harming him. "Despite his best efforts to stop me I've healed him enough for him to survive the trip home." He spat the last word as if it tasted foul.
Shen Wei shuddered at the words, just as Zhao Yunlan managed to crawl the distance between them and settled his head on his lap.
"Hey," he murmured, trying to keep his own tears and pain back. There was no time for them, he had to be the strong one now. "I've got you. I'm your shield, remember? I'm sorry I've done such a crappy job. I'll do better from now on. Promise. Just stay with me and I'll do the rest." He barely knew where to put his hands to not cause further pain but in the end he settled one on Shen Wei's throat to feel his pulse and the around right wrist where Ye Zun's grip from before already had left bruises.
They made the not even half-healed scar from where Zhao Yunlan had cut him open stand out even more starkly than it already did.
See how low your love has brought you?
Ye Zun's words echoed in Zhao Yunlan's mind as he looked down at Shen Wei. Hurting, broken, crying, but still looking up at Zhao Yunlan like he was the most precious thing in the universe.
It was a heartbreaking picture and, despite his best intentions, Zhao Yunlan had nothing better to do than tear up in response to it.
"Xiao Wei," he whispered and pressed a kiss against the bruised wrist. "I'm here."
"Keep him up there in the light, where he always belonged," Ye Zun continued, as if Zhao Yunlan hadn't spoken. "Don't bother us, and we won't bother you."
What?! Belatedly, he realized that he should have paid attention to Ye Zun.
"What?" he asked stupidly.
Ye Zun sighed, rolled his eyes, and waved his hand dismissively. "Forget it. Just keep your promise and be there for him. He doesn't deserve a quick death and banishment into your world is punishment and blessing at the same time for him." Ye Zun's grin was insane, but Zhao Yunlan felt that it was more performative than anything else. Whatever he'd done to Shen Wei and himself, it had shaken him to the core.
He didn't even look at Shen Wei, who, by now, was shivering in Zhao Yunlan's arms and barely able to keep his eyes open. Whatever Ye Zun had done might keep Shen Wei alive, but it hadn't stopped the bleeding from the various wounds that had been inflicted on his body.
"Shh, baby," Zhao Yunlan tried to soothe him. "It'll be over soon. You'll be okay." His words made Shen Wei shudder, as if they'd hurt.
Ye Zun rolled his eyes again. "It is over, you idiot. Just take what's left of your people, go home and never come back."
From one breath to the next Ye Zun was gone but in his place stood a very shaken looking Lin Jing.
They stared at each other, uncomprehending, for a few moments, before the rest of the SID crashed into the palace, ready to fight a battle that had already ended in bloodshed and tears.
Weeks later Shen Wei finally found the words to tell Zhao Yunlan what had happened during those eternal, silent minutes which had broken his spirit, like his body had been broken before.
"My brother… he rummaged through my mind, in search of answers to questions he'd been torturing himself with since we were children."
The words said so little, yet so much. Zhao Yunlan knew Shen Wei well enough to not push him further, far too scared the destroy what little progress he had made in his recovery.
"I hope he found all his answers then," he said bitterly, gathering Shen Wei even closer and holding on to him as if he could protect him even better if he just tightened his hold a little bit more. "He won't get the chance of a repeat Q&A session." He'd rather kill Shen Wei himself, before letting him go through torture like that again. A second later he would kill himself.
Shen Wei sighed and buried himself deeper into the embrace. "I gave him all I could. It wasn't enough. It will never be enough. I will never enough. But…"
"… it was enough to let you live and turn him away from his crappy 'destroy the universe' plan."
A soft sound of acknowledgement.
"He revealed my true loyalties to me. No more hiding from myself."
Letting Shen Wei live, to slowly heal the unimaginable damage done to his body as well as his mind, and to force him to come to terms with things he'd been burying deep inside of his subconscious for ten thousand years.
Punishment and blessing at the same time.
No matter how long they'd been separated, Ye Zun knew his twin well enough to find the perfect punishment: Eternal torment, sweetened with just a hint of hope in the shape of Zhao Yunlan to force him to actually stay alive.
Zhao Yunlan was determined to make Shen Wei's new life as good as possible, to keep him from hurt and make up for everything.
Zhao Yunlan tried to be silent as he opened the door to the house. Being considerate like that still didn't come naturally to him but he was learning.
"I'm home!" he said quietly after he'd closed it. If Shen Wei was home and awake he would hear him, if he was resting he wouldn't be disturbed. Hopefully.
This whole sharing a life and home with someone else thing was requiring him to learn a ton of new shit. So far he'd been doing rather well, he thought as he carefully hung up his jacket after fishing out a lollipop and put his shoes where they belonged instead of right in the middle of the floor, ready for any unsuspecting person to trip over. He even put away the wrapper of the lollipop into his back pocket instead of throwing it into the vague direction of the next horizontal surface.
Shen Wei was really rubbing off on him and he loved it. Just like he loved all the actual rubbing together of various body parts they managed to pack into their lives.
"Here!" Shen Wei called back and Zhao Yunlan grinned as he made his way into the living room.
The sight that greeted him made his heart melt, not that he'd ever admit it out loud. Paperwork - assignments to be graded or scientific research, Zhao Yunlan didn't know and didn't care - was strewn all over the coffee table and the seldom-used open laptop had long since gone to sleep because instead of working Shen Wei was busy stroking the purring cat on his lap.
Shen Wei had only been back to part-time work at the university for a couple of weeks and while he always would be diligent he had conceded to a reduced schedule, to allow more scientific research and also some amount of personal time.
Turned out that various companies and agencies had basically been begging him for ages to work for them and now Shen Wei had the luxury to actually indulge in his interests and pick and choose whatever he liked most.
Part of that were his still reduced energy levels as well as the need to sleep more, yes, but also his promise to Zhao Yunlan to not overdo it. Zhao Yunlan, in return, kept to his promise to mostly stay in his office these days.
The concept of actual free time was a new one for both of them, really, no matter how carefully Zhao Yunlan had projected his 'I-don't-care-and-you-can't-make-me' aura for all those years.
Stress and danger were reserved for catastrophes of world-ending dimensions now. With Dixing closed off under the more-or-less tender rule of Ye Zun, and Dragon City calmer than it had ever been before, there was no need to exhaust themselves.
Getting Zhao Yunlan to calm down was the greatest victory he'd ever achieved, or so Shen Wei claimed. Zhao Yunlan, in turn, had told him he was unbelievable and should look into a mirror sometimes to remind himself of the definition of a workaholic before tackling him into bed for some 'exercise'.
Apart from Shen Wei his stomach was also happy about this new, calmer, and more structured daily routine, but not as happy as it was about having regular access to Shen Wei's cooking.
"I see that I've been a bad influence on your work ethic, professor," Zhao Yunlan teased as he leaned down to steal his customary welcome home kiss. For a moment Shen Wei frowned at the lollipop flavor but then he discovered that it was one of the ones he liked and he licked his lips a couple of times more than strictly necessary before he looked up from under his lashes at Zhao Yunlan.
The glasses might be gone while at home but the effect was still as devastating as it always had been, maybe even more so now since it was done one purpose.
Zhao Yunlan ruffled Da Qing's fur for a moment, getting an extra loud purr for his efforts, before squeezing himself between the armrest and Shen Wei. "Not only do you use a computer now, no, you also have mess and are slacking off." He grinned.
Shen Wei smiled back before looking down at Da Qing in a charming show of his old shyness. It appeared less and less often as time passed and they'd gotten used to each other which made Zhao Yunlan treasure every single time it made a reappearance.
In what by now was a well-choreographed move Shen Wei relocated into his arms, back against Zhao Yunlan's chest, without disturbing Da Qing.
Zhao Yunlan's need to hold, as well as Shen Wei's desire to be held, were a leftover from those long weeks and months of recovery and trying to rebuild their lives under suddenly completely changed circumstances.
They'd chosen this couch for their new place because it was big enough to fit the two of them, as well as Da Qing in both forms. It was a monstrosity, yes, but also the most comfortable piece of furniture Zhao Yunlan had ever owned in his life.
Cuddling, it turned out, was a great stress-reliver, not matter if it was two or three men who were engaging in it.
"Your hair is getting long, baby," Zhao Yunlan murmured after a moment, pushing a few strands to the side to kiss Shen Wei's temple. "I like it." It reminded him of the younger and heartbreakingly innocent version of his lover he had met in the ancient past. Parts of that innocence had survived to the present day - a feat Zhao Yunlan couldn't understand but appreciated immensely - but he was glad that Shen Wei was so much secure in his sense of self now.
"Don't get used to it, I have an appointment to cut it tomorrow."
"What a pity. I'd like to see you in braids again." He combed through Shen Wei's hair. "That means I have to enjoy it tonight."
"I hope you'll enjoy more than just my hair."
Oh, how much he loved this side of Shen Wei! Zhao Yunlan grinned. "I plan to, don't worry."
"Hmm. Good." Shen Wei was silent after that and even Da Qing's purring faded away as he fell asleep.
He tapped Shen Wei's lips with the lollipop. "Open up." It always was better when he could steal the taste back from Shen Wei's lips.
Shen Wei did as he was told and his absent sucking on the lollipop shouldn't be nearly as hot as it was. Zhao Yunlan wanted to devour him right here and now but instead he waited. Whatever Shen Wei wanted to tell him, he was still psyching himself up for it and there was nothing for him to do but wait.
"Do you really like me with long hair?" he finally broke his silence.
That was really not the turn Zhao Yunlan had the conversation expected to take but he could work with whatever Shen Wei threw at him.
"It suits you," he said after taking a moment to mentally replay a best-of of 'Shen Wei with long hair - hot and pretty!' memories. "I understand that it's a nuisance - hell, I was annoyed when mine was long! - but I liked how you looked in the whole robe and braid ensemble." He grinned. "I wouldn't mind some roleplay like that sometime."
A soft snort. "I can imagine. But only if you step into the role of Kunlun again. I want to see you like that again, too." Shen Wei sounded wistful. It had been so much longer for him than it had been for Zhao Yunlan, after all. But whatever it was he was fighting himself about, that wasn't it. Zhao Yunlan was content to wait. Shen Wei was great at teaching patience by virtue of simply not opening up until he wanted to or was forced to by outside circumstances.
Zhao Yunlan had sworn that Shen Wei would never be forced into anything against his will ever again. Not even into food he didn't really want or some stupid shit like that and it was his duty to see to it.
"That can be arranged," he allowed after a minute or so, after he was sure that nothing else was forthcoming. "A repeat of our first time, maybe? An idiot totally out of his time showing a battle hardened general the more pleasurable sides of life?"
It had taken work to get Shen Wei into his bed - or whatever had served as his bed back then. Only future Shen Wei's quiet confession that Zhao Yunlan had been his first - only, as he'd discovered even later on - lover had made him even entertain the thought of it. He hadn't understood when Shen Wei had let it slip, but the moment he'd laid eyes on the oh so young general he'd been hit by the biggest lightning bolt in the history of split-second-realizations.
Still, he had been so afraid of taking advantage. Only the knowledge that Shen Wei still treasured the memory ten thousand years later and his clueless overtures had made it possible for Zhao Yunlan to seduce him. What if it had been someone else? Shen Wei hadn't lacked offers back then, he'd just only ever returned the interest when it had been Kunlun who flirted with him. The idea of someone else taking advantage of Shen Wei was unbearable and the memory of his future self's confession had been the final push for Zhao Yunlan to actually do something with the insane chemistry between them.
He shouldn't have worried, he had to concede afterwards. Shen Wei had been a quick and enthusiastic learner, even before his talent had manifested, and the most generous lover he'd ever had.
Shen Wei let go of the lollipop and passed it back to Zhao Yunlan. "I don't know how I would have survived without the memory of you. Us. I treasured our friendship here and now, but the memory of our…" His mouth twisted into something that might have been smile or might have been a grimace, "affair allowed me to keep going after you were gone and then, later, here and now when you looked at me without recognition in your eyes."
He couldn't even imagine how much that must have hurt. The idea alone was pure agony.
"Affair," Zhao Yunlan echoed and let the lollipop drop into the ashtray on the table next to him. "I never thought of it like that, you know? It's always been so much more for me. I was in love with you long before I went back. I don't know if you remember, because you were pretty out of it, but the night I had to cut you open you told me that I, and I quote, 'took your innocence'." Okay, the phrasing had been Zhao Yunlan's originally but where he'd meant it as a joke Shen Wei had infused it with a solemn sincerity that had hit Zhao Yunlan like a avalanche. The feeling had never really left, after that, whenever the thought about that moment.
What a terrible day that had been, even if it had ultimately brought them closer together and, in the end, saved Shen Wei's life. The damage done to his system by the light magic was permanent, costing him most of his access to dark energy and weakening him to an almost human level, but without Zhao Yunlan cutting him open it would eventually have killed him.
Zhao Yunlan couldn't imagine living in a world without Shen Wei in it. He would have found a way to follow him into death without shirking his duty, he just knew it. The Guardian Lamp had been right there, after all, and if it had been needed…
Shen Wei let his head fall back unto Zhao Yunlan's shoulder, longish hair spilling everywhere, and smiled up at him. Without his glasses he almost exactly looked like his younger version from so long ago but Zhao Yunlan saw so many differences it was like comparing night to day.
The heavy pendant around Shen Wei's neck highlighted his collarbones in a very nice way and there was the shadow of experience and the memory of long millennia spent alone that he wore like he used to wear the cloak of the Envoy.
Still healing, yes, but, right now, Shen Wei was happy, relaxed, alive. He'd also stopped hiding from himself, making him so much more comfortable, which, in turn, helped his recovery. Zhao Yunlan was determined to get Shen Wei as used to happiness as he had been to pain.
In Zhao Yunlan's not so humble opinion this turn of events was the best Fuck You! to Ye Zun possible. It also beautifully showed Shen Wei's ability - as well as his willingness - to adapt to whatever life threw at him.
"I remember. That night I was so convinced that back then was the only time we'd ever gotten to be intimate with each other."
Ugh, this whole closed time loop thing still made Zhao Yunlan's head hurt. What had still been in his future back then had already been ancient past for Shen Wei.
Without looking Zhao Yunlan grabbed Shen Wei's right wrist and pressed a kiss against the pulse point. The scar of that night had faded somewhat but it still stood out starkly against Shen Wei's skin, from his wrist up to his elbow. There had been neither enough time nor dark energy for Shen Wei to heal the deep wound completely so most of it had mended the slow way. Not too long ago he had confessed that he didn't mind the mark at all.
"I deserve some scars for the things I have done, don't I?" he'd said and shut up Zhao Yunlan with a kiss when he wanted to protest. "Besides, it's a token of your love. You hurt me to save me. I know how hard it must have been for you and I cherish the reminder of your devotion to me on my skin."
"Shen Wei, Shen Wei, only you can make me melt with words alone."
"I sincerely hope that I'm the only one who makes you melt at all." A possessive Shen Wei was always a special treat and it would be so damn easy to steer the evening into a more pleasurable direction now.
Kick Da Qing - who was still sleeping soundly, so much for his supposedly superior senses - into his cat bed, drag Shen Wei into the bedroom and have his wicked way with him. Or have Shen Wei have his way with him, Zhao Yunlan wasn't picky in that regard. But…
"What is this all about, Xiao Wei? Not that I'm not enjoying the trip down memory lane but something's going on." Okay, sometimes gentle pushing was necessary. It was for Shen Wei's own good and the sooner he got out what he needed to get out the sooner they could get to the sex part of the evening.
"Trip down memory lane," Shen Wei echoed softly. "Yes." He grabbed Zhao Yunlan's hand with his left and gently pried its hold around his right wrist open. "Da Qing." His voice was still quiet but there was an underlying tone that allowed no argument. Da Qing seemed to know what was good for him and jumped down to vanish in a blur of black fur before Zhao Yunlan had even realized what was happening.
"Shen Wei?"
He was ignored.
"I want you to know that I didn't expect this, Zhao Yunlan." Oh, this was serious now. Another of those shy, almost painful looking smiles. "Ever again. But…" He took a deep breath and a moment later there was a ball of black and blue energy, streaked with just a hint of white floating above the palm of his right hand.
"I've been trying to access my dark energy ever since I could do so without almost fainting from the pain," he explained. "It never worked. Until today."
Shen Wei's hand was shaking and Zhao Yunlan swooped in to hold it steady. What once was instinctual now seemed to take a concentrated effort. But still…
Burned out, Ye Zun had called him and as far as Zhao Yunlan had known that was exactly what Shen Wei was. Had been. Unable to actively access dark energy, brought down low and forced to live an ordinary life among ordinary people, in constant exhaustion because healing was a slow and long process now, bringing some amount of chronic pain with it.
Shen Wei had borne it with so much more grace than Zhao Yunlan would have in his stead. Or so Zhao Yunlan had thought.
"Have you been trying to get it back all this time?"
A quick, determined shake of the head. "No. I would have told you. No more secrets, I promised. It was more like a bruise I couldn't resist poking from time to time. Mostly instinctual." Ah yes, that was a feeling Zhao Yunlan knew and could understand only all too well. "I haven't done anything with it so far." A quick look. "I attempted no healing, I swear. Not without your knowledge and not without you right next to me."
The words punched the air right of Zhao Yunlan's lungs. He'd thought he'd already loved Shen Wei as much as humanly possible but right here and then he managed to fall just a little bit more for him.
There still were lingering pains and damage lurking deep inside Shen Wei's body. Some days he barely hurt at all, on others he could barely move. Those days were always the hardest but no matter how much Zhao Yunlan wanted Shen Wei completely healthy, or able to hold him down without any effort whatsoever, he didn't want it to come at the price of even more pain.
Healing himself was harder and more painful than healing others, Shen Wei had confessed a while ago, making so many of Zhao Yunlan's memories even worse in retrospect.
Zhao Yunlan was once again thankful for their new, quiet lives.
"And today your poking resulted in… this," he eventually forced himself to say because he had to say something. Shen Wei was looking at him like he was scared of his reaction and that, in turn, scared him and this was a vicious circle he had no intention of running around in.
They'd broken out of a fucking time loop, he had enough of that for the rest of his life.
After an encouraging nod he gently prodded the energy ball with the tip of his finger. It felt slightly cool and also like Shen Wei.
"Hello," he whispered to it, feeling only slightly foolish. "Welcome back. You've been missed."
"Was it really?" Shen Wei asked very softly and insecurity in his voice broke Zhao Yunlan's heart. Weren't you happy with me down on your level? he heard.
"Yes!" he said emphatically and made sure to put all of his conviction into the single world. Dark energy was an integral part of Shen Wei and he loved the whole package, Shen Wei and the Black Robed Envoy, the shy professor, the lethal warrior and the former protector of a fragile peace. The man who had waited for ten thousand years for the chance to see and love Zhao Yunlan again. "It's part of you," he said helplessly, unsure on how to put all of what he was feeling into words. "Of course I missed it."
He could feel Shen Wei relax at his words as he let the Dark Energy fade away and he couldn't resist leaning in for yet another kiss.
"Of course I did," he whispered against his lips. He would repeat that until the sun burnt out, if necessary. "This will make our roleplay so much more fun! You can now spice it up like we could never before!" he added with a grin.
"Zhao Yunlan!"
Oh, he'd missed that slightly scandalized look. Thanks to constant exposure be Shen Wei had become more or less immune to his more daring suggestions so it was nice to see it again.
He just had to steal yet another kiss, making it deep and dirty until he had Shen Wei moaning. He once again gripped Shen Wei's right wrist while his other hand became busy finding a way under Shen Wei's shirt.
"Think about all the things you can do to me with it." He let his hand wander upwards over Shen Wei's stomach up to his chest. A light pinch to a nipple got him a very satisfying gasp of surprise, followed by a moan.
"Seems as if you prefer to do things to me," Shen Wei gave back. Zhao Yunlan pinched his other nipple and shrugged.
"You know how much I love having you any way I can, baby." He traced the shell of Shen Wei's right ear with his lips and gently exhaled. "You seem to like it as well."
Shen Wei responded with a lovely shiver and another moan as he closed his eyes.
"You know that I do, Zhao Yunlan."
"You always respond so beautifully to me," he continued as if Shen Wei hadn't spoken. "As if your body was made for me to play with. And only me."
Shen Wei wasn't the only possessive person in this relationship, after all.
"You know it is." Shen Wei's confession was breathless, his arousal obvious. "Nobody apart from you has ever..."
Ten thousand years. Millennia of waiting and hoping with nothing but a few memories, a lollipop wrapper made into jewelry, and a vague promise to meet again.
Shen Wei truly was magnificent and amazing as well as unbelievably stubborn. Falling in love with him was the best thing Zhao Yunlan had done in his whole life.
He leaned in and kissed Shen Wei deeply, stealing his breath and giving it back at the same time.
"I know, Xiao Wei, and nobody else ever will."
He wished he could say the same about himself, but that train had left town long before he'd met Shen Wei for the first time. Fucking time loop. Always fucking things up. At least he could be sure that there would never be anyone else for him now, too.
It was the best he could give. It was enough. It had to be. At least one of them had had some experience when they'd tumbled in that nest made out of blankets and furs back then.
"I love you," he said for the millionth time as he gently pushed Shen Wei up to help him get out of his shirt. A task that wasn't helped by Shen Wei attempting to do the same with Zhao Yunlan's at the same time. "For the next ten thousand years. No, even longer."
Forever, he meant.
Shen Wei smiled back at him, whole and happy, his eyes so full of love and desire that it almost hurt to look at him.